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Being in love is a beautiful experience, especially when it is God-ordained. A relationship with God at its foundation has the potential to last a lifetime, aligning with His intention for permanence in marriage. My prayer is that every woman who desires to be in a loving relationship will have those desires fulfilled—in God’s perfect timing.
The Bible reminds us of what love truly is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV):
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
As beautiful as love is, it can sometimes blind us. While it’s natural to focus on what feels good in a relationship, it’s also important to step back and reflect on what honors God.
This blog post will guide you through 30 reflective questions to help you evaluate your romantic relationship. You can journal through these questions or take time to meditate on them. By the end, I hope you gain clarity and peace about the direction God wants for you and your relationship.
Keeping God at the Center of Your Relationship
1. What habits and practices have you and your partner incorporated into your relationship to ensure God is at the center?
A relationship centered on God requires intentional habits, like praying together, attending church, and discussing Scripture. Without these practices, it’s easy for worldly priorities to take over. Ask yourself if you and your partner are both committed to building a spiritual foundation together.
Scripture: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33 NIV)
2. Before getting into your relationship, did you ask God if it was something you should pursue?
Starting a relationship without seeking God’s guidance can lead to unnecessary heartache. Reflect on whether you sought His direction at the beginning and whether you continue to invite Him into your relationship now.
3. Do you continue to check in with God throughout your relationship to ensure He still wants you there?
Regular prayer and discernment help you align your relationship with God’s will. If something feels off, it’s worth praying for clarity.
4. If God told you to walk away from your relationship today, would you have trouble obeying Him?
Obedience to God should always come first. If your relationship is pulling you further from Him, it’s worth reevaluating.
Scripture: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)
Spiritual Alignment in Your Relationship
5. Do you feel like you and your partner are both submitted to God?
A godly relationship thrives when both individuals are submitted to God’s authority. If one partner is lukewarm or uninterested in spiritual matters, it could cause friction.
6. Do you feel comfortable submitting to your partner’s leadership?
Submission is biblical, but it must come from a place of mutual respect and love, not control. If you cannot trust your partner to lead, this may be a red flag.
Scripture: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22 NIV)
7. Do you and your partner have wise counsel to guide your relationship?
Surrounding yourself with a community that provides godly advice can strengthen your relationship. Seek guidance from spiritual mentors or trusted Christian friends. Participating in couples’ counseling before marriage can also help ensure you’re both prepared and supported for the next season of your lives.
Emotional and Physical Safety
8. Do you feel spiritually, emotionally, and physically safe in your relationship?
A God-honoring relationship should never make you feel unsafe. If you experience any form of abuse, seek help immediately.
For support and guidance, visit growtherapy, where you can find counseling and Christian therapy resources to help with what you’re going through.
9. Do you feel isolated in your relationship from your community, family, or friends?
A healthy relationship allows you to maintain strong connections with others. Isolation is often used as a means of control or can be a sign of imbalance.
Practical and Long-Term Compatibility
10. How do you and your partner handle conflict?
Conflict resolution is key to a successful relationship. Do you both approach disagreements with grace, or does anger often prevail?
Scripture: “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV)
11. Do you feel like your relationship aligns more with God’s Word or the world’s standards?
It’s easy to get caught up in the trends of this world. With so many opinions and self-proclaimed “experts,” worldly viewpoints can strongly influence relationships. These relationships often lack the depth and foundation that come from God’s truth. Reflect on whether your relationship aligns with Christ’s teachings.
Scripture: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)
12. Is the person your partner is today someone you can live with forever, even if they never change?
While we pray that everyone reaches their full potential, it’s important to remember that not everyone changes. Entering a relationship with the expectation of change can lead to disappointment. Instead, assess whether you love your partner for who they are now.
Encouraging Self-Reflection
13. Are there any red flags you’ve overlooked in your relationship?
Red flags often reveal themselves early on, but love can sometimes cloud our judgment. You don’t want to find yourself living with the consequences of ignored red flags years later when they could have been addressed before building a life with someone. Pray for discernment to recognize and address them.
14. Has this relationship increased or decreased your self-worth?
Your worth should come from being made in the image of God, and a Christ-centered relationship should uplift and encourage you, not tear you down. Reflect on whether your partner positively contributes to your sense of self-worth.
15. Does this relationship add to your happiness, or is it the only source of your happiness?
Your joy should primarily come from your relationship with God. If your partner is your only source of happiness, it may be time to reassess. Why do you feel that God isn’t enough to fill that need? People can supplement our happiness, but the joy found in the Lord should be our true strength.
Deepening Your Reflection
16. How do you and your partner handle accountability in your relationship?
Are you both open to correction and growth when something is not in line with God’s word? Choosing not to disclose something to your partner that could help them grow spiritually is not supporting their faith. True love includes accountability, which strengthens the relationship rather than tearing it down.
Scripture: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” (Proverbs 27:5 NIV)
17. Does your partner support your purpose and calling?
Your partner should uplift your God-given purpose, not hinder or compete with it. Do they actively encourage you to pursue the calling God has placed on your life?
Scripture: “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10 NIV)
18. Are you equally yoked with your partner?
The Bible cautions against being unequally yoked. While two people may have chemistry, if they are not equally yoked, it will be difficult for them to move forward together in faith. Reflect on whether you and your partner share the same level of faith, values, and commitment to Christ. Being on the same level doesn’t mean having the same type of relationship with God, as everyone’s relationship with God is unique. However, there should be a shared passion for the things of Christ and a mutual desire to grow more in Him.
Scripture: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV)
19. Do you feel peace when you pray about your relationship?
God’s peace is often a sign that you are aligned with His will. Do you feel at peace about your relationship when you bring it before God in prayer? Additionally, do you feel peace in your relationship overall? This doesn’t mean there won’t be disagreements or trials, but does the overall tone of the relationship bring you peace, rather than anxiety or worry?
Scripture: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7 NIV)
20. Do you and your partner share similar goals for the future?
Discussing long-term goals like family, ministry, lifestyle, and career aspirations is essential. Are you aligned on how to pursue God’s will together in these areas?
21. How do you and your partner guard your hearts against temptation?
A godly relationship takes intentional steps to avoid situations that could compromise purity or lead to sin. Are you both purposeful in maintaining boundaries? Do you communicate with each other when you’re feeling tempted? How do you move forward after a slip-up? A small mistake can easily disrupt your journey toward purity, especially if you feel like you can’t start over. Remember, you can always begin again in honoring God in your relationship, no matter how many times you think you’ve messed up. Never allow sin to become the standard in your relationship.
Scripture: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)
22. How does your relationship reflect Christ’s sacrificial love?
Are you and your partner willing to serve, sacrifice, and forgive one another as Christ loves His Church? The world often convinces us to prioritize our own needs, but in a partnership, love should reflect selflessness and humility. This doesn’t mean neglecting yourself, but there will be times when sacrifice is necessary.
Scripture: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25 NIV)
23. Are you growing emotionally and spiritually in this relationship?
A godly relationship should stretch and mature you, bringing out the best version of yourself. Is this relationship helping you become more Christlike? Do you feel emotionally safe and securely attached? While it’s beautiful to deeply connect with your partner, it’s also important to maintain a sense of emotional independence and security in Christ, knowing that your identity and strength ultimately come from Him. A healthy relationship should encourage both partners to be emotionally grounded.
Scripture: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12 NIV).
24. Are you both actively pursuing forgiveness and grace?
Every relationship will face challenges, but how you navigate them together can strengthen your bond. Are you and your partner quick to forgive and extend grace to one another, reflecting God’s heart? It’s important to forgive without keeping track of wrongdoings so you don’t build resentment against your partner for something you’ve already forgiven them for. This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior, so make sure to maintain healthy boundaries while extending forgiveness.
Scripture: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 NIV)
25. Do you and your partner share similar views on financial stewardship?
Money can be a source of unity or division. Are you and your partner aligned on tithing, saving, and stewarding resources in a way that honors God? Do not allow money problems to tear your relationship apart when you can communicate through them. If you don’t agree on something, turn to the Bible and pray about how to move forward.
Scripture: “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” (Matthew 22:21 NIV)
26. Do you and your partner make decisions prayerfully?
From small decisions to big ones, do you seek God’s guidance together before making choices that affect your relationship? While your husband is the head of your household, he should submit all of your decisions to God, seeking godly wisdom. This does not mean that you don’t have a say—one of the reasons God placed you in his life is to offer your insight and use your discernment as well.
27. Are you both willing to grow through trials together?
Trials are inevitable, but they can strengthen your relationship if handled in a godly way. Do you face challenges with faith and resilience together? Do you both understand that you must fight battles together instead of turning on each other when life gets difficult?
Scripture: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4 NIV)
28. Does your relationship reflect the Fruit of the Spirit?
Look at the qualities outlined in Galatians. Do you see the Fruit of the Spirit in your relationship?
Scripture: “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23 NLT)
29. How do you take care of yourself in your relationship? Do you still make time for personal hobbies, work, projects, or spending time with friends outside of the relationship?
Maintaining a sense of individuality is essential for a healthy relationship. It’s important to nurture your personal well-being and maintain your interests, as this brings balance and fulfillment to both your life and relationship. Remember that self-care is not selfish—it enables you to be the best partner you can be.
30. Does your partner prioritize and protect you, ensuring that outside opinions or influences don’t negatively impact your relationship?
A strong relationship is built when both partners prioritize each other’s needs and well-being, especially when faced with external pressures. While responsibilities to others are important, mutual respect and a commitment to protecting the relationship are key to creating a safe and loving environment. True love is shown when partners support each other and keep the relationship strong, without allowing outside influences to undermine it.
Trusting God’s Guidance in Your Relationship Journey
Evaluating your romantic relationship through a biblical lens is an act of love—not just for your partner but for yourself and God. Reflecting on these questions is not meant to bring judgment but to invite clarity and spiritual alignment into your relationship. After working through these questions, pray that God’s will be done in your relationship. Trust that whether He leads you to stay or walk away, His plans are always for your good.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
Take time to answer these questions, and don’t be afraid to seek counsel from trusted mentors or professionals if needed.
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